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Zako X Neemon
Zako X Neemon is a What-If? Episode of DEATH BATTLE, and the SEASON II finale. Description Rakugaki Showtime X Digimon! If you thought characters like Dan Hibiki, Johnny Cage, and even inFAMOUS's Zeke were stupid? Prepare to change your opinion or ELSE!!! These are the biggest idiots EVER, and they are forced onto the battlefield in a no holds barred battle to the DEATH! Will Zako, and his ability to manipulate Smiley Balls do anything at all? or Will Neemon and his expanded repertoire from the Digimon Rumble series do anything for combat by any means?! Interlude Wiz: Dan. Johnny Cage. Glass Joe. Hercule (Mr. Satan). Utsuho Reiuji even! What do these fighters have in common? Boomstick: THEY ARE ALL STUPID! Wiz: You would think, but at least all of them have at least ONE redeeming quality of some kind. These two never redeemed themselves in the end... Boomstick: Don't expect Sunohara of Clannad, or even Kosuke Miyata of the Visual Novel I/O to fight, they eventually were of good use to the others, to the point of not being called an "Idiot" after the events of said franchises Wiz: The two opponents in question are Zako, standard henchmen of Daddy. Yes, that's his name. Boomstick: And Neemon, we don't really have something that relates to him, he just likes to wear Long Johns... He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their Weapons, Armor, & Skills to find out who will win... A DEATH BATTLE. Zako (Cues Rakugaki Showtime OST - Zako ) Wiz: In the odd world of Rakugaki Showtime, the roster is odd as hell. Boomstick: We have a Dog that puts Ness to shame, a Cloud Strife Ripoff, a Shoto character, a drunk... What else does this game HAVE?! Wiz: I'll tell you what it doesn't need. a weak as hell character. Boomstick: BUT, before we get to THAT, let's see what Rakugaki Showtime is all about... Wiz: In a room, filled with paper, yes, paper, a being called the God Hand- Boomstic: Who is CLEARLY a ripoff of Master Hand! Wiz: -Had an idea: Create a whole world of his own with Crayon, and other art making tools. He created many characters, Good, Bad, and Neutral. Comedy ENSUES. In fact, let's introduce to you, the weakest character of all: Zako: The Henchman that fights in threes; but since this is ONE X ONE, you know the rest. Boomstick: I only know Zakus. You know, the antithesis to Gundams? Wiz: Zako, or Small fish when translated to English, is a terminology in video games that describes the weakest character in the whole game. Other examples include: Goombas, Slime, and any character with just ONE hit point. Boomstick: Basically... this guy can be defeated VERY easily. But... What are his moves?! (Cues Imperial Code II (Jin VS Noel Theme)) Wiz: With the lowest health in the game at a cringe inducing 2001 HP, Zako has his work cut out for him. His move set is only good based on the right opportunity. Smash throws an opponent to the ground. Boomstick: Stomp does a, well, it's obvious. Wiz: Lunge smash will increase distance (Though not by much), THEN do Smash. Boomstick: Surprise Kick will do a stomp, FROM THE AIR! Wiz: Push basically shoves the opponent to the ground. Boomstick: Fly kick is just a better version of Surprise Kick, nothing to see here. Wiz: Hitting sends the opponent into the air. Boomstick: Headbutt does what's on the box. EXCEPT, you need to be in the air... Crap. Wiz: Launching Melee Hit sends the enemy flying, starting the air juggling. Boomstick: NOW FOR SOMETHING AMAZING! Shoryuken is just like the Shoryuken of Street Fighter! Wiz: Bomb, GO! allows Zako to reach into his pocket and find a Fake Smiley Ball, and hurls it at the opponent. Boomstick: But his best move, is also his most risky! Bomb (Roulette) is a gambler's paradise! that has a effect based on the color of the explosion! Yellow only does marginal damage, Cyan? a bit better, though not by much. Magenta causes a wallop of pain though! But the risky part is that the Opponent can benefit from it as well, as if the explosion is white, the opponent will gain some life back! Wiz: While the character has a full fledged moveset, for SMASH genre Standards, it doesn't change the fact that most of those moves are indeed useless. In fact, that moveset we just saw is just a decent plus, and the only good one. Boomstick: He has one of the slowest running speeds we've seen in a Fighter! And his Homing Dash is even worse! Wiz: No longer does Kira Daidouji of Arcana Heart have the slowest Homing Dash. Boomstick: Sure you can flatten an opponent for stumbling, but how often will THAT happen!? Wiz: He can't jump high enough, and worse yet, his throw speed is worse than even a grappler in another fighter. Boomstick: And even though John Calibur got HUMILIATED by- HOLY SHIT! Anyways, he's STILL BETTER THAN ZAKO! Wiz: Yet his never give up personality puts even Dan Hibiki to shame, as a masochist for trying to please his boss, but can he please him for once, and defeat a Digimon? You would think that's easy, but with the stats of a wussy opponent, you would wish he was fighting a Goomba instead! Boomstick: At... Least this isn't that one cancelled Tiny Toons game that was g-''' Wiz: '''NOOOOO! It was cancelled because the Idea is trash! Boomstick: Fuck you Treasure, and your Warner Bros. friends. Neemon (Cues Digimon Frontier English Opening (Full Version)) Wiz: After the X Antibody, created by Yggdrasill Eradicated 98% of the entirety of all Digimon in the Digital World, Ideas of the world changed with the idea of the Ten Legendary Warriors. They were responsible for sealing Lucemon into the core of the Digital World. Since then, only 2 legendary warriors remained, and one of them... Is not Neemon... Boomstick: Seen as Bokomon's idiot sidekick, Neemon is possibly the gassiest Digimon that inspired that baby character thing from Legend of Korra. And trust me, he's not useful either, but at least he has an excuse! Wiz: As comic relief of Digimon Frontier, Neemon is a very cheesy example of fun gone stupid; and by cheesy, we actually mean use "THE SWORD THAT CLEAVES EVIL" to blow it up. Boomstick: sniff... I love you Sanger... Zengar Zonvolt: GRRRRRRRAH! CHESTOOOOOOO!!! Boomstick: Screw the end of Mobile Fighter G Gundam! That is the best moment in Mecha history...! (Cues Guilty Gear Xrd -SIGN- Six Black Heavens Guns) Wiz: Unfortunately, neither sidekick of the Digidestined had much of a story to begin with, besides being foolish at comic mischief. But it's Neemon that is considered a bigger idiot. And this is very much showcased in his arsenal. Boomstick: His move set is much less useful than Patamon's Boom Bubble; He is a total loafer, and likes to cut the cheese, A LOT. The two are among the weakest Rookie Levels in Digimon, with Bokomon being #3. Both Digimon Fronier Rookies DON'T EVEN DIGIVOLVE! Wiz: His moves include Nigeashi Dash, which kind of is like a dodge that escapes enemy attack. Tanuki Neiri allows Neemon to fake sleep in a pinch. Boomstick: And just how useful is THAT? Wiz: Remember in Pokemon when an enemy Pokemon uses rest, regenerates all their health, and reawakens due to a Chesto Berri? It's like that, but in a much more marginal amount. Boomstick: Ah... Now I get it... Wiz: But due to Digimon Rumble Arena 2 being released, he has more moves now besides the former moves mentioned. Happy Accident allows Neemon to slip on a conjured banana, and while the peel will cause a slip, the banana itself will deal damage. Boomstick: It works in cartoons, so why not DEATH BATTLE? Wiz: ABCDEFG sends a gas bubble toward his opponent while counting. Boomstick: Then why the FUCK would anyone call a counting game move something related to SPELLING??? Wiz: ... Uh... Well, anyways, I like beans creates a fart shield that prevents those from getting too close. Boomstick: Rancid enough to tick you off! Like me. Wiz: Gassed off forces Neemon hold in a fart until it propels him upward. Boomstick: Jeez it's like that one movie The BIG Lebowski! Rude, Crude, Vulgar and Lewd- Except, it's for kids. Wiz: Finally, Uh Oh, creates a fart bubble so big, Neemon himself automatically teleports out the blast radius! Boomtick: DAMN, and I thought N.U.K.E.s were the key to ending wars! We have a potential genocidal fart machine! I mean really, WHAT WAS BANDAI THINKING WHEN CREATING THIS LONG JOHN WEARING, SLEEP DEPRIVED, GAS BLASTING ROOKIE LEVEL DIGIMON!?!? Wiz: Not only that, but despite being filled with information, almost all of it comes out spewing like a septic tank breakdown! It's just mindless garbage that really doesn't need to be said! Boomstick: Well, at least this guy helps out the Digidestined in some way... Wiz: Neemonis clearly not Digidestined material, only having one level: Rookie. This Rabbit doesn't even come from a Digi Egg! Boomstick: Which solves our greatest mystery of all! What came first: The Chicken, or The Egg? It's official Warudo! It's The Chicken! Wiz: Well either way, Neemon is not used to combat and usually has to be a bystander with Bokomon, while the warriors fight for their lives. One memborable moment in particular is Duskmon being damaged everywhere... And benefiting from that! Boomstick: Neemon's response is priceless! Bokomon: He absorbed all their attacks! 0_o Neemon: (Speechless, whimpering, and in fear.) Boomstick: Finally, Bokomon ALWAYS has to help him. But, he's absent in this fight. In other words, Neemon's alone. Wiz: But can a flatulating, lazy bum of a Digimon prove he's no small fish either? Bokomon: Please! Help us get the Fractal Code back, save our world before it's too late, will you...? Takuya: ... Bokomon: Neemon, don't just stand there like a cheap T.V. Antennae, I need your help! Say Something! Neemon: Some... Thing...? Bokomon: ARE YOU REALLY THAT DENSE, OR DO YOU JUST DO THAT TO ANNOY ME?! (Pulls Neemon's Long Johns) Neemon: AAHHAA!!! Boomstick: Everyone who just read that is now dumber. Or just like the punishable Neemon, or something... DEATH BATTLE As the Digital World is at peace after the Xros Wars, but several security units, lead by what the Digimon called the "Big Purple Freak", were stationed on each terminal of the Digital World. Everyone is paranoid. One unit, a Zako, spotted a Rookie-Level Digimon: Neemon, and alerted "Daddy" of the security breach, and chased after the Evolutionless "thing". Zako: Hey sucker! Get back here! Neemon: GET AWAY, WEIRDO! Neemon tripped, and Zako caught up, and stomped on the fearful Digimon. Zako: So how 'bout it, Yellowman? Are you going to fight, or not?! Neemon: Yes. Zako laughed. He finally found an opponent he might actually handle. Zako: How much stupider than you get than you?! HA! Let's fight Yellowman! Neemon: You're going to learn respect, Small Fry! (Cues Dragonforce - Fury of the Storm) FIGHT! Neemon tried to slap Zako across the face, his feeble hands did nothing. Zako then shoved Neemon to the ground, and stomped on him hard. This bruised Neemon's face heavily. As Neemon tried and get up, he materialized a Banana... Neemon: EAT MY BANANA! Happy Accident! SLIP! As Neemon slipped on a banana peel, the Banana itself flew at speeds fast enough at the face to Knock Zako out for the time being. he then used ABCDEFG to fart out a gas bubble out of his Long Johns, and when Zako Woke up, his odor was horrific. He was actually poisoned! Zako: Man... I should've brought a spare change of Uniform... Zako tried to home in on the opponent, but although close enough, he tripped, but at least his stumble forced Neemon to the Ground too. Neemon: Y-you know, I've passes gas most of my natural life, so... Immedietely, Zako scrambled off of Neemon, not knowing a single weakness of him. As Neemon used Tanuki Neiri to loaf off to heal. Zako pulled out a Smiley Ball, and played Hackey Sack untilthe fully healed Neemon woke up from a fake sleep that Zako could step on Neemon's head, but had bigger, and better plans... It turned out that he was playing around with the Smiley Ball, thus increased its power enough. Zako then jumped, and within the few microseconds he had in the air, sent Neemon Flying. This allowed Zako to air Juggle him. He then Heat Butted Neemon, then finaly did a Shoryuken. Neemon knew if he faked sleeping again, he's toast. Before Zako could stomp his face, Neemon held in a fart until he had no choice but to release. As Zako wondered if it's another timed attack, he shoved Neemon to the ground, but the moment before he was going to stomp, his whole body was token by surprise by Neemon's Gassed Off move, which hit him whilst he was sent into the air. But it didn't go high enough to reach outer space; a waste of a move. Only one move can stop them now: Their finishers. Zako was sweating from all the BO he was forced to take. If he got a nukeful, he really would become small fry. But if Zako is lucky and gets a magenta explosion, that would annihilate Bokomon's biggest, and only victim... Zako went first. He used Bomb GO! first to stun the opponent. Afterwards, he used his finisher: Bomb (Roulette). All bets are off, as Neemon narrowly avoided defeat by the hands of a mere henchman. Neemon used Nigeashi Dash to dodge the bomb, which, luckily was a Yellow explosion anyways; not enough to kill Neemon who used Uh Oh, to make a fart so toxic, Neemon teleported out of the blast radius. Zako was fried by such radioactive horror, and as the fart cleared, Zako was on the ground, where Neemon is sleeping. Attempting to get up after the N.U.K.E. Fart, ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5i7qZxICwgQ Dragonforce - Fury of the Storm)] Ends) Zako ran quietly to Neemon, and finally, successfully, crushed his Skull, and thus, his Fractal Code. K.O.! While he is very tired himself, he would no longer be called "Zako" after beating someone with a bad rectum problem... Results (Cues Dragonforce - Storming the Burning Fields) Boomstick: Hey, cameraman! Is fractal code because I'm st- WHAT?! IT ISN'T!!! Wiz: Somebody should've told Neemon that flatulence isn't a true form of attack. Even though he can't run nearly as fast as Neemon, or jump as high, or that he happens to be a Zako type character, he proved who the real Zako of this fight: Neemon has little to no attack power. Boomstick: And while Digimon can digivolve on their own, Neemon has no option. Meaning he can't even be a Champion Level Digimon. Wiz: Worse: there was no instance of combat experience for Neemon in Digimon Frontier to begin with. Where Zako can at least be a playable character in Rakugaki Showtime. Boomstick: Respect Not to Mention, he had intelligence after he was not degenerated by the attack on Darkmoon CITY, and made some witty comment due to this, AND, was even a shop owner for Silver, and higher ranked Tamers! Wiz: Plus, Even though he can't jump all that high, and is VERY SLOW, at least this small fry can kick butt with many aerial moves. Boomstick: No longer Will Zako be refered to as: a Zako! Wiz: The Winner is... Zako! Next Time Boomstick: Next time on DEATH BATTLE... Silpheed: Where... Oh... Where are you... I desire your survival after all these years. NEXT SEASON!!! The Legacy will be Enshamed... ... ???1: Grrr... ???2: Bring it you foolish excuse for a Darkstalker. KICK IT!!! (Cues Immediate Music - Requiem Rave) ???1: I duuno who the hell you are, kitty, but I don't trust you're little asscrack! ???2: GRRRRRRRRRRAH!!! After nearly 20 fights, Will BMHKain finally learn his lesson? ???1: KATASTROOOOPHE!!! ???2: I am down... BUT NOT OUT, YOU DAMNED BEAST! Will he ever be respected as a fight uploader? ???1: You're not human, but you still have to die. ???2: I'll force sanity towards your head... Announcer: THREE! ???1: Two. ???: ONE! Both ???: GO... SHOOT! ???1: Why are you in the middle of this "Night"? ???2: To find the criminal responsible for murder of many kinds; You. (Immediate Music - Requiem Rave Ends) Tekken: H-hey! What about me?! Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:Human vs Creature themed DEATH BATTLEs Category:Season Finale Category:BMHKain Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2015 Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Series Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Companies Category:"Male vs Male" Themed Death Battles Category:Joke Death Battles Category:'Hero vs. Hero' Themed Death Battle